Tender Feelings Today

I had my last day of work as a student at the birth center today. It was a good day. I have definitely improved and learned a lot since starting as a student almost a year and a half ago. But I have worked for Elaine at the birth center in various capacities, including childbirth educator, birth assistant, and student midwife, for almost 4 years. That is as long as I've ever had a job. But this was so much more than a job to me. In fact, for much of it, I made next to nothing or literally nothing. Working at the birth center was like living my dream job. It was like finding out who I really wanted to be in life. It was about finding out how much courage I have. And it was about having good friends.

I owe Elaine so much, I don't think I'll ever be able to repay her. Here are some of the gifts she has given me:

- She gave me an opportunity after meeting me only twice. I walked into the birth center one day and said I was a childbirth educator. She asked me to come back and meet with her and her partner. I came and met with them and they gave me the gig on the spot. Thus began my childbirth education classes at the birth center

- I was her first birth assistant at the birth center. I had been to births as a doula before, but I don't think she really knew how inexperienced and scared I really was then. But she trusted me enough to allow me to come to births and be taught by her. This was the beginning of a whole new chapter in life

- After working with Elaine for a while, I became pregnant with Charlee. There was no question in my mind that I would have my baby at the birth center. But after some upheaval in the birth center staff, Elaine had decided to not accept insurance anymore. This included mine, of course. So she did my prenatal visits and attended my birth for free. I don't think I've met anybody as generous in my life

- Soon after Charlee's birth, I felt some desire to become a midwife. It seemed like the logical next step, and yet an insanely scary one. Watching Elaine care for women and give them opportunities they never would have had in another birthing environment made me want to be involved in this amazing work, too. But it took me a while to build up the courage

- Finally, after much prayer and stress, I decided to take the plunge and go back to school to be a midwife. Elaine, of course, was tremendously excited for me and readily agreed to be my teacher. How could I have done any of this without her encouragement and support? Not to mention her unfailing belief in me, more than I had for myself?

- The last year and a half, I have work even more closely with Elaine as a midwifery student. She has given me opportunities for learning and growth and helped me be brave, and yet has not pushed me faster than I could go. I can only hope and pray that when we move, I will be able to find a midwife-teacher as amazing as Elaine has been for me.

So, today, after we finished up the clinical work, Elaine took me, Melanie, and Brianna out to lunch. I was so happy to be out with these wonderful friends, and yet sad that my time was up with them already. We had a great meal and were visiting as we finished up. Then, as a perfect ending to a midwifery apprenticeship, Elaine got a call on her cell phone that a mom was in labor and to hurry quick to the birth center. She and Melanie got up and quickly ran out the door to go down the street to the center to be with this mom on this most significant of days. Tears ran down my face as I watched them leave...without me. I can't believe this chapter of my life is over. I'm not sure I'm ready. Moving hasn't been this hard since I left Logan and my best friend forever Marie. But, life marches on. And, just like all the babies I've seen be born grow up and change, so must I.